Leadership

Why are very few people leaders? Many people are
followers in general and in most all aspects of life. Many
seem to follow others, much like all the mice that fall in line
to follow behind the Pied Piper.
I believe many people are too shy to lead, in whatever
situation they are in. The average person, when entering
a department store, will follow the person who previously
entered the store. People will follow other people through
the same exact door, no matter that other doors are more
accessible. People tend to follow the path of a predecessor.
People do the same thing because it’s easier that way. It takes
more commitment, work, and determination to find and to
independently accomplish something new and better.
In a casino, if there is an empty roulette or blackjack
table, people will usually walk right by it. But as soon as
one person sits down at the table, it’s amazing how the table
fills up with new people following the lead of the person
who first sat down. Why? Maybe people think that they
would miss out on something good, so they join the lone
player.
It has been known that in the former Soviet Union,
people were so used to standing on line that, once a line
formed, other people automatically joined on the long line.
They didn’t want to miss out on whatever was for sale.
Who can be the leader of the pack? Anyone. With just
a little imagination and determination, anyone can come up
with new ideas to lead the way.
Remember, many people we know will be the followers,
and will expect us to follow the followers also. I’m in no way
saying this to degrade or make fun of people, but merely to
bring out a point of truth. The average person is often not
aware of the strong urge to “follow the crowd.”

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Be Different

Be unique. Be different. Stop following the crowd.
Listen for the sound of that distant drum. The successful
person and the average person approach life differently.
The average person, it seems to me, likes to take the easy
way out. It’s almost as if the average person wants to get
through work just to rush home to do very little, or nothing
at all.
Television is often a thief of your time and can easily be
the source of your losing 15 minutes a day that could be used
to accomplish more worthwhile goals. Perhaps watching
one less television show will create better opportunities for
yourself. Why watch other people become successful when
you can apply yourself to those extra 15 minutes every
day?
People can too often fail because they do not “stay
focused.” Remember that staying focused on the small
goals is the way you accomplish the final goal. Think for
a moment about a movie camera. Until the lens focuses
on a particular object, everything is blurry. Although you
may want to accomplish many different things in unrelated
fields, you may be dabbling in many fields at the same time
and not putting enough energy into one goal.
Instead, remain focused, as if you are trying to line up
a photo of a rose, capturing it in sharp detail. The camera
lens has to stay focused or everything becomes blurry.
You must stay focused and not try to do everything at
once. To hit a home run in baseball, you must have the bat
make contact with the baseball at precisely the right part
of the bat, hitting the right part of the ball exactly with the
right force of the swing. Any deviation from these elements
can result in a complete miss or a pop-up. It takes minute
differences to hit the ball just right for a home run.
Focus. You may find it hard to stay focused at first.
Remember this rule: a new habit takes about three weeks
to form.
In a 1985 monthly publication of Insight, there is an
article about Andrew Carnegie, the great steel maker, who
was asked by a reporter, “How is it possible to have 43
millionaires working for you at the same time?”
Mr. Carnegie answered, “They weren’t millionaires
when they started working for me.” The reporter asked,
“Well, what happened?” Mr. Carnegie replied, “We believe
in rewarding excellence in performance, and these men have
developed themselves to the degree that they have become
millionaires.”
The reporter asked, “How do you develop so many
people?”
Andrew Carnegie replied this way: “I develop men
exactly the same way you mine gold. In order to get an
ounce of gold, you move tons and tons of dirt. But you don’t
go looking for the dirt; you go looking for the gold.”
When interviewed by Success Magazine in 1898
Thomas Edison was asked, “What’s the first requisite for
success?” And Edison answered this way: “The ability to
apply your physical and mental energies to one problem
incessantly without growing weary. You do something all
day long, don’t you? Everyone does. If you get up at 7 A.M.
and go to bed at 11 P.M., you have put in 16 good hours,
and it is certain with most men that they have been doing
something all the time. The only trouble is that they do it
about a great many things and I do it about one. If they took
the time in question and applied it in one direction, to one
object they would succeed.”

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Turning A Small Amount of Time Into A Lot of Time

To accomplish more of your personal goals, whether
writing, reading, painting, participating in sports, or
exercising, you can start by thinking of giving yourself
more time in small amounts and forgetting about trying to
give the world all your time.
Consider the importance of a 15-minute block of time
a day to do something meaningful for yourself. Those
“extra” 15 minutes a day would amount to 105 minutes, or
1 3/4 hours a week. If you continue squeezing out those 15
minutes a day, they would equal more than 7 hours a month
and more than 91 hours a year. What could you accomplish
with your “extra” 91 hours per year?
You could have jogged approximately 350 miles in that
year, read approximately 10 new books, or taken a course.
You could have prepared for an entirely new field of work
or a great new hobby.
It’s a lot easier than you think to capture these valuable
15 minutes a day. How you use your time determines what
you accomplish in life.
If you allow eight hours sleeping, you are left with 16
hours for working and thinking. And of these 16 hours,
you have to allow time for travel, eating, and socializing.
If budgeted properly, you can squeeze out that extra 15
minutes a day that you can call “your time.”
Suppose you have been given a $10,000.00 fee as a “time
consultant” whose job it is to find those extra 15 minutes
every day that can be your time. For the $10,000.00, you
can start to write down the wasted minutes. Where are the
wasted minutes every day?
Here are some ideas: Can you take a more direct route
to work that would give you extra time? Can you take 15
minutes less for lunch? Can you get up 15 minutes earlier to
accomplish something? Can you have a lighter dinner that
would free up those 15 extra minutes at night?
Once you figure out how to capture that little block of
time, you can write the findings down and make 10 copies
of how you will always give yourself an extra 15 minutes
per day. You can be persistent in finding those extra 15
minutes, so you can keep reminding yourself that these are
your “new” minutes for you to accomplish something new.
The second step requires that you write down what you
want to accomplish in those 15 minutes.
A good habit will take approximately 20 days to
form. Your new block of time will change your life, if you
accomplish something greater in those 15 minutes!

If a man does not keep pace with his
companions, perhaps it is because he
hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears, however
measured or far away.
–Henry David Thoreau
Author/Naturalist
(1817-1862)

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Time Moves Faster Than Us

The older one gets, the faster time seems to move. It
is my observation that life goes by too fast. Most young
people feel it is taking an eternity to become 18 and then
21, so strong is the urge to be considered an adult man or
woman. The young man of 21 will soon discover that time
seems to move at a faster speed than he realized when he
becomes a 35-year-old man. That childhood urge to speed
up time will now change into a wish to slow it down when
the man reaches 45 and 50. Where are you in your life’s
journey? Is time speeding up or slowing down for you? At
what stage are you?
Do your days seem crammed full of obligations, tasks,
deadlines, with a lot less spare time? Are there days when
you are so stressed that you would like to drop out of
society? Dropping out of society, and disappearing from all
the stresses is basically a fantasy, one we all experience at
one time or another.
You cannot control the speed of time, but you can control
what you accomplish within your limited time. The proper
use of work in a time period creates greater success.

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Control Your Life Through Meditation

A YEAR ago, a family I know Sent their 15-year-old daughter to camp with expectations that she would return bearing medals for swimming and horseback riding. Instead, she came back with a new air of quiet and poise, and every night retired to her bedroom for half an hour after dinner. Once, when her mother looked in, she found her daughter sitting quietIy hands in her lap, watching the flame of a candle.
What on earth was she doing’? “Just meditating,” the girl said. It made her feel calmer, she explained, more at peace with herself and the world around her. Lots of penple were doing it.
They are, indeed. On a beach in Maine a couple sit, hands folded, oblivious to the screaming of children roundabout. At a religious festival in Colorado, hundreds of young people hike miles in cold and darkness to meditate on a mountaintop at dawn. Thousands of their elders seem scarcely less interested, Housewives, reformed drug addicts, psychologists, clergy. men—all have become unlikely allies in an inward search for understanding.
Many of today’s meditators find their inspiration in the great Eastern religions. In fact, it has been estimated that there are a half-million members of various Eastern religious groups in the United States today, and all employ meditative techniques. In addition, there is the “transcendental meditation” of Ma. harishi Mahesh Yogi, a physicist turned Hindu monk. Its practitioners meditate twice daily by silently repeating a “mantra”— a Sanskr’it sound selected for them by their teacher.
But Eastern techniques are only the most obvious evidence of the new enthusiasm. In Christian churches, too, old methods of meditation have found new popularity. Many church services begin or end with meditation. The youthful Jesus movement practices it, and so does the burgeoning Catholic Pentecostal movement. Religious retreats centering on meditation are also common, and smaller groups often meet in homes.
The art of meditation has deeper roots in our culture than we realize. One dictionary defines meditation as “sustained reflection” and also as “the continuous application of the mind to the contemplation of some religious truth, mystery or object of reverence.” The word is also used to describe numerous states of reverie from which new ideas, innovations and even personality changes may spring. In pne form or another, such activities are as old and as universal as the human race.
“Meditation has been used in every part of the world and from the remotest periods,” Wrote Aldous Huxley, “as a method for acquiring knowledge about the essential nature of things.”
Recently, I sat in a bus beside a young graduate student on his way to a meditation course. “It’s the greatest adventure of them all,” he said. “You don’t know what you’re going to find, but whatever it is, you know it’s going to change your life.” That view is widely accepted. We are in an exploring age. In search of treasure and discovery, we go down to the floor of the sea, scale the highest mountains, even journey toward the stars. With the same intent, we are beginning to travel to the depths of our own consciousness. Today’s meditators dream of some great adventure in consciousness, and grope for a new vision that can reshape troubled lives.
How do they do it? A few simple recommendations are almost universal. First, anyone who wants to meditate successfully must set aside a quiet time each day, usually about a half-hour.. This must be done consistently, because the results are cumulative and will not appear in a single session. The place you select for meditation also matters. In my own private I found many people who meditate best in an empty church. Perhaps even more often, experienced meditators turn to natural locales—-a forest, a lonely shore. Each answers the need to be alone and the need for a feeling of space.

Most important is attitude. All the various techniques of meditation seek to produce a state of openness, inner cairn and
increasedself-awareness. But no one can see into the depths of his mind when it is whirling about like a cyclone. Hence
the seemingly absurd devices of posture and concentration— whichare designed as aids to quiet the storm of daily concerns.
Apparently they work. A person needn’t Sit cross-legged on the floor; he might choose, instead, to sit quietly upright in a straight-backed chair. One of the most widely practiced ways to relax the mind is to concentrate on some operation of the
body—perhaps the act of breathing.
Meditation is not an escape from daily living, but a preparation for it, and what is of surpassing importance is what we bring back from the experience. Like pearl divers, meditators plunge deep into the inner ocean of consciousness and hope to come swimming back to the surface with jewels of great price. What sort of jewels? What, in fact, can be found whcn we look within?
Answers to Problems. At the most modest level, by pro-
viding a way of staying with an issue long enough to turn all
its facets to the light, meditation can help solve day.to-day
problems. One man, burdened with a periodically insane wife
and three troubled adolescent children, told me that his only cure, when difficulties get too pressing, is to take out his sailboat. Outbound, he said, “1 don’t think about my troubles. 1 concentrate on the sun on the water; I watch the sails bending in the wind. Sometimes I think alut all the other men who have put out to sea, and I wonder what they thought about. By the time I am inbound my mind is calm. Then I begin o see things as they really are, and find I can deal with them.”
If meditation accomplishes no more than that, it has done a great deal. Several years ago, psychoanalyst Erich Fromm, after addressing a Canadian audience, was asked for “a practical solution to the problems of living.”“Quietness,” Fromm replied at once. “The experience of stillness. You have to stop in order to be able to change direction.”
Self-Discovery. But problem-solving is only the kindergarten of meditation. The technique can also be a path to self. discovery. For one thing, you can’t sit in concentrated silence for very long without learning something about your physical self. For a child, his body is himself. But somehow, over the years, our minds and bodies divide and become strangers.
Meditation can bring them back together, serving one another. Some trained rneditators, in fact, become so attentive to the
body and its signals that they can actually teach themselves to
control breathing and heartbeat. Even the average person, sit
ting alone in quiet contemplation, can get a new sharpened
sense of the miracle of his physical being by such artless devices
as taking note of the movement of the wind across his face,
or feeling muscles move and flex at his behest.
In meditation, we also rediscover our memories,,the past
dreams and experiences which have made us ourselves. If we
meditate often enough, inevitably these forgotten details are
recovered. “I didn’t just remember it, I was there again,” One
meditator said after an intense session. “I was a child again,
I heard the music box playing, sat at the table with iy family
and tasted the tarts my mother used to make.”
One big discovery that everyone makes in meditating is that
we have spent our lives changing, and that we will continue
to change. “I am trying to decide whether to end my marriage,”
a correspondent wrote. “We were so happy together once. It
took me hours of thinking alone to realize that I am not the
same person I was then; and neither is he. Whatever we decide
to do, it is two new people who are going to do it.”
The Way to (.ithers. The stream of consciousness that runs
through our minds runs through other minds as well, and so we
can find much that is universal, much that unites us with others,
by looking within. Indeed, many recognize this and meditate
together. Without speech, they feel a wann tide of love flowing
between them. We experience our likeness, our shared hu
manity. Indeed we are like torches lit from each other; illumine
the one and the other takes fire. A New York psychiatrist once
explained it unforgettably to me. “The deeper we go,” he said,
“the closer we are.” .
Even solitary meditation helps us understand one another.
To put it simply, when we know ourselves, we know others,
too. “It is not the desert island nor the stony wilderness that
cuts you off from the people you love,” Anne Morrow Lind
bergh wrote in her book Gfl From the Sea. “It is the wildness
in the mind, the desert wastes in the heart through which one
wanders lost and a stranger.”
The Sense of Joy. The further we go into ourselves the
closer we come to one of meditation’s greatest gifts: joy. “We
don’t meditate to withdraw,” an instructor told me, “but to
enjoy life.” Indeed, our real selves, when they appear, often
seem to be naturally joyous. Long ago, the philosopher Plotinus wwtt; “There is always a radiance in the soul of man, untrou€lcd, like the light in a lantern in a wild turmoil of wind and tempest.”
The infinite. The end product of meditation is increased
awarcncss—ofourselves and of our fellow men, and also of the vibrating world around us. “Every day I took the ferryboat
to work,” a West Coast businessman told mc, “but I hardly
saw the ocean. If I looked up from my paper, I felt that I saw nothing new or different. After I began meditating, thougi, I
oftensat on deck and really looked. And what a different ocean I saw—ajnber, silver, green, black, changing every minute!”
If we think long and lovingly about the world, we find
ourselves plunging into it, sensing it, feeling it, and even the
very stones and hills seem vividly alive. We find a meaning in everything—the seed in the ground, the bark on the,tree, the sound of the cricket.
And even as meditation can bring us to an awareness of the living world,. so with one more step it can take us to the borders of that invisible world which haunts our lives like the perfume of unseen roses. We know, as psychologist Claudio Naranjo writes, that we are “a part of the cosmos, a tide in the ocean of life, a chain in the network of processes that do not either begin or end within the enclosure of our skins.” In one way or another, we spend our lives tiying to find this web of kinship, which joins us to all living things and to God.
When meditation brings us to the verge of this world, it is brother to prayer. It allows us to believe that the kingdom of heaven really is within us and that there s a linkage between our minds and whatever governs the world.
MEDITATION is not a cure-all. Properly used, however, it can give us back the wonderland of our minds the happiness that children find in dreaming alone in an apple tree; the joy of sages for whom wisdom is the “pearl of great price.” Through the centuries, it has taken thousands of people to the very edge of a different land, returning them to life with renewed strength and purpose. Today there is a widespread feeling that the world of tomorrow should be very different from the world of today. Meditation is seen as a prelude to that transformation—a way of preparing for it, a way of changing lives and thus changing the world.

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Success Means Never Feeling Tired

FAILURE is probably the most fatiguing experience a person ever has. There is nothing more enervating than not succeeding—being blocked, not moving ahead. It is a vicious circle. Failure breeds fatigue, and the fatigue makes it harder to get to work, which compounds the failure.
We experience this tiredness in two main ways: as stan-up fatigue and performance fatigue. In the former case, we keep putting off a task that we are under some compulsion to discharge. Either because it is too tedious or too difficult, we shirk it. And the longer we postpone it, the more tired we feel.
Such start-up fatigue is very real, even if not actually physical, not something in our muscles and bones. The remedy is obvious, though perhaps not easy to apply: an exertion of willpower. The moment I find myself turning away from a job, or putting it under a pile of other things I have to do, I clear my desk of everything else and attack the objectionable item first. To prevent Start-up fatigue, always tackle the most difficult job first.
Years ago, when editing Great Books of the Western World,
I undertook o write 102 essays, one on each of the great ideas
discussed by the authors of those books. The writing took me
2½ years, working at it—among my other tasks—seven days
a week. I would never have finished f I had allowed myself
to write first about the ideas I found easiest to expound. Applying my own rule, 1 determined to write the essays in strict
alphabetical order, from ANGEL WORLD, never letting myself skip a tough idea. And I always started the day’s work with the difficult task of essay-writing. Experience proved, once again, that the rule works.
Performance fatigue is more difficult to handle. Here we are noçrcluctanc to get started, but we cannot seem to do the job right. Its difficulties appear insurmountable and, however hard we work, we fail again and again. That mounting experience of failure carries with it an ever-increasing burden of mental fatigue. In such a situation, I work as hard as I can— then let the unconscious take over.
When I was planning the 15th edition of Encyclopaedia Britannica, I had to create a topical table of contents for its alphabetically arranged articles. Nothing like this had ever been done before, and day after day I kept coming up with solutions that fell short. My fatigue became almost overpowering.
One day, mentally exhausted, I put down on paper all the reasons why this problem could no! be solved. I tried to convince myself that what appeared insoluble really was insoluble, that the trouble was with the problem, not mc. Having gained some relief, I sat back in an easy chair and went to sleep.
An hour or so látêr, I woke up suddenly with the solution clearly in mind. In the Weeks that followed, the correctness of the solution summoned up by my unconscious mind was confirmed at every step. Though 1 worked every bit as hard, if not harder, than before, my work was not attended by any weariness or fatigue. Success was now as exhilarating as failure had been depressing. I was experiencing the joy of what psychologists today call “flow.” Life offers few pleasures more invigorating than the successful exercise of our faculties. It unleashes energies for additional work.
Sometimes the snare is not in the problem itself, but in the social situation—or so it appears. Other people somehow seem to prevent us from succeeding. But, as Shakespeare wrote, “The fault, dear Bnitus, is not in our stars but in ourselves.” Why blame other people and shrug off our own responsibility for misunderstandings7 Doing a job successfully means doing whatever is necessary—and that includes winning the cooperation of others.
More often, the snare that blocks us is purely personal. Subject to human distractions, we let personal problems weigh on us, producing a fatigue-failure that blocks our productivity in every sphere. A friend of mine went into a decline over a family problem that she had let slide. Her daughter had secretly married a man she thought her father would disapprove of. The daughter told her mother but made her promise to keep silent. Worrying about the problem, and carrying a burden of guilt over the secrecy, exhausted the mother. Her fatigue spilled over into her job and turned her usual successes there into failures. She was saved from Serious depression only when other people intervened and told the father—who didn’t display any of the anticipated negative reaction. It seems incredible that a person can allow his or her life to get snarled up in this fashion, but that is how problems can fester if they aren’t solved as they come along.
So, our first step should be to use inexplicable fatigue that has no physical base as a radar—an early-warning system— and trace the fatigue to its source; to find the defeat we arc papering over and not admitting. Then we must diagnose the cause of this failure. In rare cases, it may be that the task really is too difficult for us, that we are in over our head. If so, we can acknowledge the fact and bow out. Or the block may simply be in refusing to confront the problem. In most cases, it can be solved by patient attention to the task at hand—with all the skill and resolution we can muster. That, plus the inspired help of the unconscious.
I have already given an example of one way of achieving a breakthrough. First, put down all the reasons why the problem is insoluble. Try to box yourself in, like Houdini, so no escape appears possible. Only then, like Houdini, can you break out. Having tied yourself up in knots, stop thinking consciously about the problem for a while. Let your unconscious work on untying the knots. Nine times out of ten, it will come up with a solution.
The worst mistake ‘.c can make is to regard mental fatigue as if it were physical fatigue. We can recuperate from the latter by giving our bodies a chance to rest. But mental fatigue that results from failure cannot be removed by giving in to it and taking a rest. That just makes matters worse. Whatever the specific stumbling block is, it must be cleared up, and fast, ‘fore the fatigue of failure swamps us.
Human beings. I believe, must try to succeed. This necessity
built into our biological background. Without trying to define performance, to doing tasks and solving problems as they come along. it is experiencing the exuberance, the joy, the “flow” that goes with the unimpeded exercise of one’s human capabilities.
Success, then, means never feeling tired.

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How to Think Through a Crisis

WE CHANGE continually from birth to death, but the process is not always steady.. Sometimes it is a leap forward or a devastating setback: Almost overnight, it seems, a pleasant, self-assured housewife suffers a complete breakdown; a confused, rebellious teen-ager becomes a civilized young man: a competent, reliable worker goes to pieces at his job; a disorderly, childish young woman turns out to be a splendid mother.
How can we explain these abrupt changes for better or
worse? What is it that suddenly sets us on a better p.ath—or
makes us lose our way?
For some time, psychiatrists, delving into the histories of people suffering from mental disorders, have beçn struck by the fact that the beginning of long-range illness followed a crisis in the life of the patient. In some cases, the crisis was a misfortune or a catastrophe that might be expected to cause trouble: the death of a child, the loss of a job, major surgery. But in others, the event that preceded the downturn was not a disaster or even a piece of ill fortune. The birth of a baby. a promotion, the first year of college often appeared as the forerunner of the plunge into illness. Some people cracked under the strain of even supposedly joyful transitions.
While psychiatrists observed the apparent connection between crisis and mental illness, they could not help noticing that the very same crises that defeat some people call forth the most amazing and unexpected strengths in others. And it is not necessarily the “strong” person who reacts well; often it is someone who hitherto has been relatively weak and ineffectual. ft seems, then, that a crisis can produce a real growth of personality.
A person in the midst of a crisis is in unfamiliar territory. He is disoriented and confused. His thinking and feeling are flooded with memories of past crises that filled him with similar anxiety or fear. The older person facing surgery may be haunted by the vague terrors of a childhood tonsillectomy; the new schoolboy bidding his mother good-by is reliving all the separations he has ever known.
Caught in the grip of a situation that seems insoluble,’ a person becomes tense and irritable, hostile to those closest to him, or depressed and moody. He doesn’t eat; he can’t sleep; he feels exhausted. His symptoms may resemble those of impending nervous breakdown, but they are the normal reactions of a person in crisis. Eventually he “solves” the problem one way or another, And, according to the way in which he has handled himself during the crisis, he comes out mentally stronger and more in tune with reality—or weaker and more susceptible to trouble in future times of stress. What makes the difference?
For more than a decade, at Harvard University Medical School and the Harvard School of Public Health, as well as at a few other centers, researchers studied the “acidencal” crises that beset us and the “developmental” crises that punctuate our growth. They watched the way iri;which people respond to the death of a loved one; the &actions of patients awaiting operations; the responses of men ‘women and children to disasters such as tornadoes and fires; the behavior of women who have given birth to premature babies; the adjustment of couples to the early months of marriage. Their studies show us how our handling of these critical turning points molds our personalities and shapes our lives.
Athong women who gave birth to premature babies, for example, there were two quite distinct ways of reacting to the crisis. Some responded ‘with grief and an acute awareness of the danger to the baby. They poured out their fears to their husbands nd family, badgered dxiors and nurses for information. They insisted on seeing the baby, even though they were warned that it might be an unpleasant experience. When the danger of the baby’s dying had passed and they returned home, they embarked on a campaign of preparations for the baby’s homecoming. They visited him regularly, and collected facts from all possible surces about ways to handle him. They corralled a mother or aunt to help.
Another group of v,c)rnen faced with the same crisis, behaved in many ways more considerately to family, friends and hospital personnel. They accepted the first reassurance of a husband or a doctor that “everything will be all right.” Occasionally they speculated on why this thing had happened and who was to blame for it, but they didn’t lament about it. When the baby was out of danger, they were confirmed in their belief that there had been no crisis. They visited the, infant rarely and took no steps tcr learn about his special needs.
Six to ten weeks after the babies’ release from the hospital, the mental-health workers who had followed the behavior of the mothers reported that the women’s different reactions to the same crisis were associated with two very different outcomes.
The women who had been most upset, most vocal in their concern, most aware of the real problems of the crisis had survived it well. They seemed strengthened. Effective problem- solving had been learned, which seemed to make the mothers and their families more capable of adjusting to other crises. Family relationships were often better than they had been before the birth of the baby. But the women who had denied the importance of the crisis, rather than confront it in all its unpleasantness. were the center of deteriorating family relationships. The household was beset with bickering and blame; everyday problems were bypassed, and the baby was often either neglected or spoiled by an oversolicitude that impeded his development.
The patterns of response to the crisis of premature birth were repeated with subtle differences in all the studies of crisis. To the extent that a person faced the realities of the problem and actively grappled with them, he emerged stronger or at’ least as strong. To the extent that he fled from the realities of the crisis, he set the stage for a worsening pattern of adjustment to life.
The latter type evaded the issues that the crisis presented by belittling the problem and pretending that he was not upset. He had not sought the help of others and refused help when it was offered. He shifted his energies away from trying to solve the problems that the crisis posed and focused them instead on blaming individuals or groups of people for his plight. Or he developed neurotic symptoms—excessive sleep, headaches, muscle pains or stomach trouble—which replaced the crisis itself as his main concern.
In a sense, none of us can be educated in advance to deal constructively with a crisis. Yet to some extent we can anticipate certain life crises and rehearse, as it were, our role in them.
For the key to healthy adaptation is the ability to face up to a situation, despite its stress and unpleasantness and despite the inevitable tensions that afflict us when a problem has no ready solution.
People who weather a crisis well are those who actively search for a solution. They thirst for helpful information. They want to know in advance exactly what surgery is like, or how to care for a premature baby. They avoid blaming themselves or others, realizing that this is a distraction from the real problem. They are not ashamed to express fears and anxieties. They learn how to rest when theirefficiency falls because of fatigue, and how to discipline themselves to return to the painful struggle when they have been replenished. They can accept, even enlist, help, considering this not a sign of weakness but of maturity.
What we know about healthy and unhealthy paths during a crisis not only gives us tools for self-help but also provides us with ways of aiding those we Jove. Consider the normal crises of early married life.
Exciting and gratifying as they are, the first months of marriage also involve many physical and psychological demands. which many people experience as a series of crises. A young couple must set up a home and work out complementary patterns of the division of labor and decision-making. They must weaken their ties to parents and direct their emotional energy to the new relationship. Each must extend the boundaries of personal privacy to include the other in all the apparently minor aspects of living which hitherto have been private—and this may be very unsettling. They must achieve a satisfactory sexual adjustment, which is complicated Lfl our culture both by the excessive romanticizing and sentimentalizing of sex and the breakdown of premarital sexual prohbitions. If the young couple fail to deal with these problems, if they turn away from unpleasantness and postpone adjustment, they set the stage for a marriage in which future crises, the birth of a baby, illness or the loss of a job, may be more poorly handled. But if they do their crisis work properly, they will have taken crucial step toward a relationship of mutual trust, respect, ;upport and love. And to the extent that each person has contributed to. the realistic solution of each crisis, he will have enhanced his own personality and strengthened his individual problem-solving skills.
In every life crisis, then, there are both the danger and the opportunity, the threat and the promise, the specter of deterioration and the hope of growth and enrichment. For we arc not the prisoners of a’pcrsonality forged once and for all in childhood or adolescence. If we can learn to avoid the ways of evasion, and to make healthful choices during the critical turning points of our lives, we may change the whole quality and direction of our existence.

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Figure Out People From Their Words

by John Kord Lagemann
AFrER a visit from a friend, my mother would review the conversation in her mind, the pauses, inflections and choice of words, then announce the real news the caller never mentioned:
“Henry wants to sell his hous&.”“Frank is going to marry Janie.”“Young Mrs. Cole thinks she’s pregnant but isn’t sure.”
Mother was no mind reader, she was practicing a technique we now call “content analysis.” ft’s a kind of systematic search for the small verbal clues that, when put together, reveal a larger meaning: attitudes, intentions, behavior patterns, underlying strategy. As Ben Jonson wrote more than 300 years ago, “Language springs out of the inmost parts of us. No glass renders a man’s likeness so true as his speech.”
Experts in business and science use highly developed content-analysis techniques to measure changes in consumer attitudes and to diagnose emotional conflicts. Governments keep corps of analysts monitoring other nations’ broadcasts and printed materials to extract useful intelligence. Details that seem trivial by themselves have a way of adding up, when classified and counted, to vital information. I’ve found—as have many other people—that certain tricks of content analysis help you to read between the lines of ordinary conversation.
Fingerprint Words. A word or group of words that recurs frequently is one of the surest clues to who or what is on a person’s mind. As any parent knows, you can easily tell which of your daughter’s boy friends is becoming the new favorite— sometimes before the girl herself is really aware of it-.–simply by counting the number of times the name is mentioned.
But the technique can have more subtle applications. For example, verbal fingerprinting helped a young lawyer handle .a difficult clientwith whom other members of the firm had been unable to get along. The young man collected all letters and memos from the client in his firm’s files. As he read them he was struck by recurrent expressions and allusions typical of a certain period of English literature. Further investigation revealed the client as a prodigiously well-read amateur scholar, a shy man who hid his sensitivity behind a cantankerous manner. With this key to the client’s personality, the lawyer had no trouble in gaining his confidence.
The Big Pronoun. We instinctively notice how often someone says, “I,”“me,”“my” and “mine.” To most of us, excessive use of the first person singular simply means that the person is a bore—but it can mean something more. “When one’s automobile is out of order,” says social psychologist 0. Hobart Mowrer, “one is likely to refer to it oftener. Likewise, when a person’s psychic equipment is grating and squeaking, it is understandable that his attention should be directed toward it much of the time.”
Counts made at the University of Iowa and the University of Cincinnati demonstrate that hospitalized mental patients use “I” oftener thn any other word—about once every 12 words, three times as often as normal people. As these patients recover, their use of “1” and “they” goes down, and their use of “we” goes up.
The Judgment Test. One way ‘1 recognizing a person’s values is by cataloguing the particular adjectives he uses to express approval and disapproval. With one of my friends the fun4amenta1 criterion is practicality: good things he describes as “feasible,”“applicable,”“functional”; things he doesn’t like are “unworkable.”
Several years ago a close friend of ours became engaged to a man whose usual words of praise were “powerful,”“strong,”“overwhelming.” Things he disliked were “weak,”“tiny” or “insignificant.” He seemed to judge everything on the basis of size and power. Our friend, on the other hand, was a woman of artistic interest* ‘whose value judgments were mainly in terms of “beautifur versus “ugly.” it was no great surprise when they found they “did not see eye to eye,” and broke the engagement.
Images and Themes. The metaphors, similes and analo‘gics a person uses not only reflect his life experience but tell you how he thinks. Individuals have certain dominant themes. highly revealing of character. One man I know constantly uses images that suggest he is steering toward a distant landfall through buffeting winds. His main concern is to “Iceep his bearings” and “stay on course.” He urges friends to “state their position” and to be su.re they “know where they arc going.” A nautical background is indicated—but, more than that, a whole philosophy of life.
How Do You Feel? The late psychologist Dr. John Dollard of Yale and Dr. Mowrer devised a sort of emotional barometer by comparing the number of words a person uses expressing discomfort of any kind—ill health, annoyance or boredom— with the number of words which express relief, comfort, fun or satisfaction. They use this “Discomfort-Relief Quotient” to measure progress in the emotional adjustment of a patient undergoing treatment. If in the course of a few minutes’ casual conversation a man has used no comfort words at all but has mentioned the “horrible” weather, the “appalling” headlines, the “dull” plays being written these days and the “aggravating” traffic situation, he doesn’t have to add that he is feeling out of tune with the world.
A similar formula was developed years ago by Dr. Harold Lasswdll• of the Yale School of L..aw. He counted the number of favorable self-rcferences in a person’s speech and the number of self-derogatory references, and used the raio as a measure of self-esteem. Dr. Lasswell also counted the favorable and unfavorable references to others. Comparing the two sets, he found that the person with high self-esteem tends to be well disposed toward others, too.
Grammar Counts. Verb tenses can provide a hint as to how much a person dwells in the past as compared with his concern for the present and his plans and hopes for the future. When the past tense predominates it may indicate melancholy or depression.
Passive versus active is another clue. A decided preference for passive constructions—”l found myself there” instead of “I went there”—may reflect a feeling of impotence, active constructions a sense of power and responsibility. Er… Ah…. A doctor friend told me once that in taking the history of a new patient he sometimes learns as much from the hesitations as from the direct answers. “Occupation?” The
person who’s happy with his job usually answers promptly. A
long pauses a cough, laugh, throat clearing or sniffle may
indicate trouble in that department. “Married or single?” Again,
in this doctor’s experience, a hesitation can be meaningful.
Pauses may indicate tension or anxiety associated with the
words that follow. “1, er, ah, .love you” means something very
different from a forthright “I love you.
Using clues like these, my friends and I have gained a surer
understanding of one another, and even of ourselves. Content
analysis will never replace reason or common sense, of course. But it can supplement them, and sometimes reveal messages we would otherwise miss completely.

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How to Take Charge

by Sydney J. Hams
I WALKED with my friend, a Quaker. to the newsstand the other night, and he bought a paper, thanking the newsie politely. The newsie didn’t even acknowledge it.
‘A sullen fellow, isn’t her’ 1 commented.
“Oh, he’s that way every night.” shrugged my friend.
“Then why do you continue to be so polite to him?” I asked.
“Why not?” inquired my friend. ‘Why should I let him decide how I’m going to act?”
As I thought about this incident later, it occurred to me that the important word was “act.” My friends acts toward people; most of us react toward them.
He has a sense of inner balance which is lacking in most of us; he knows who he is, what he stands for, how he should behave. He refuses to return incivility for incivility, because then he would no longer be in command of his own conduct.
When we are enjoined in the Bible to return good for evil, we look upon this as a moral injunction—which it is. But it is also a psychological prescription for our emotional health.
Nobody is unhappier than the perpetual reactor. His center of emotional gravity is not rooted within himself, where it belongs, but in the world outside him. His spiritual temperature is always being raised or lowered by the social climate around him, and he is a mere creature at the mercy of these elements.
Praise gives him a feeling of euphoria, which is false, be-cause it does not last and it does not come from self-approval. Criticism depresses him more than it should, because it confirms his own secretly shaky opinion of himself. Snubs bun him, and the merest suspicion of unpopularity in any quarter rouses him to bitterness.
A serenity of spirit cannot be achieved until we become the masters of our own actions and attitudes. To let another determine whether we shall be rude or gracious, elated or depressed, is to relinquish control over our own personalities, which is ultimately all we possess. The only true possession is self-possession.

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Biofeedback-Mind Teaches Body to Heal Itself

FOR almost seven years. Mrs. Andrews had been unable to move her head. Her condition—known as wryneck—had started with painful muscle spasms, which grew worse until her head was always pulled to the left. After years of going to doctors, including psychiatrists, she was referred to New York’s lCD Rehabilitation and Research Center to learn a new technique of sensory feedback (also called biofeedback) training.
“Now look at me!” Mrs. Andrews said after her fourth treatment. She slowly moved her head from side to side, then held it proudly eyes-forward. “First, the doctors explained that I could learn to relax the major muscle that turns my head. I was skeptical, but willing to try. Electrodes from a small machine were attached to my neck, and the machine made loud clicks. My job was to lower the number of clicks by relaxing my neck muscle. I can’t tell you how I did this, but I did, and the next thing I knew, I could hold my head straight.” Having leaz1ed how to relax this muscle, Mrs. Andrcws is now able to do it without the aid of the machine.
Biofeedback training is based on the premise that we can modify or gain control over a range of bodily functions once thought to be totally automatic. We all use natural forms of feedback to perfect skills. For example, in learning to serve a tennis ball, we throw it in the air, hit it, and watch where it lands. If the ball sails 15 feet past the service line, seeing that constitutes a feedback on our actions. Accordingly, we modify our swing and footwork until we make the ball land where it should. Learning such a skill requires only making an effort, then seeing, hearing or feeling the results.
In many instances—if we want to relax a back muscle at will, or move a paralyzed ann, say—we cannot carry out the intention. Either nature has not provided us with a feedback mechanism, giving us signals we can use to learn that skill, or disease has destroyed a feedback system. Now, however, researchers have developed a host of sensory instruments that can help bridge the gsp.
For example, an instrument called an electromyograph tG) picks up electrical activity within muscles. Other devices monitor galvanic skin response (GsR)— the resistance that skin offers a minute amount of electricity. Other instruments detect minute temperature changes. The signals that are picked up are converted into sounds or visual aids for the patient to hear or see, and to use as signposts in controlling specific processes.
The list of chronic ailments being treated—experimentally, at least—with biofeedback includes asthma, back pain, migraine and tension headache, to name a few. Some favorable results have been achieved in the areas of stroke and, to a lesser extent, epilepsy.
“The potential is quite encouraging, and some results are truly amazing, especially in treating neuromuscular problems,” says Dr. Joseph Brudny, former director of the Sensory Feedback Therapy Unit at the lCD Center. “But I see it as a useful adjunct to our present medical tools, not as a panacea.”
“It may not, always work,” a New York University professor of neurology, Dr. Julius Korein, says. ‘But it doesn’t seem to have any harmful side effects—something you can’t say about many drugs or surgical trcatments.”
Just how the technique works may be seen at Denver’s National Jewish Hospital and Research Center, where researchers arc refining EMO bic feedback to help patients control asthma attacks. Although asthmatics suffer because they arc sensitive to environmental agents like dust, fumes, cold, foods and certain plants. their attacks arc sometimes complicated by their psychological reaction to such potential threats. An asthmatic enrolled in the hospital’s biofeedback program is placed in a
comfortable, soundproof room and electrodes are connected to his forehead, to detect electrical activity in the muscles just above the eyebrow. If relaxed, he hears only slow, lethargic clicks. If he is tense, his forehead muscles knot up, and the machine bursts into frantic clicking.
The patient is asked to visualize flowers, trees, dust—whatever threatens him with an asthma attack. As he reacts instinctively to the image, the biofeedback equipment, reflecting his mounting anxiety, clicks like a Geiger counter. Hearing the crescendo, the patient knows he is laying the groundwork for an intensified asthma attack. Over the course of several training sessions, he learns to keep the click rate slow by keeping his tension down. (Just how he does this, he cannot explain, any more than he can explain exactly how he learns to ride a bicycle.) In time, patients learn to relax even without the machine.
Many doctors, especially those who deal with chronic pain and pain that defies medical analysis, are eagerly embracing biofeedback training as a way of inhibiting nonspecific pain feelings in the brain. One is Dr. Stuart H. Mann, an associate clinical professor in the Department of Rehabilitation at the University of Southern California School of Medicine. After tests are run to rule out a discernible cause for pain (a tumor, for example), the patient is attached to a GSR device, which emits a shrill, piercing sound. “We tell the patient the sound is the pain,” Dr. Mann says. “He has to turn it off.”
In time, a large percentage of Dr. Mann’s patients learn to “think” the sound down. Then, after intensive practice, even without the machine, they are able to sit down when they feel the pain coming and “work it down.” They are very proud when they can get themselves off drugs.
Even the crippling pain of migraine headache has proved amenable to biofeedback training. An instrument, highly sensitive to temperature changes, is attached to the patient’s hand and emits increasingly higher sounds as hand temperature rises—the result of increased blood flow. Patients have learned to increase blood flow to the hand enough to raise its temperature ten degrees in two minutes. As this happens, relaxation takes place—and as a side effect the migraine is aborted. Researchers who discovered this biofeedback technique at the Menningcr Foundation, in Topeka, Kari., helped 80 percetfi of the migraine patients they first treated with it.
Physicians who deal with stroke and paralysis are also using biofeedback to help patients regain muscle function. To move an arm, there must be sensory input to the brain as well as motor output. Without input we cannot monitor our actions. A basketball player who loses his sight, for example, will not be able to make baskets consistently from a set spot on the floor. However, if a buzzer goes off every time the ball goes ‘in. by substituting his hearing fqr his sight he can eventually releai-n the skill. Similarly, for some stroke and paralysis patients with brain injury, whose normal feedback system has been disrupted, biofeedback instruments can serve as a substitute. The patient learns to monitor an activIty through another, undamaged pathway. The instruments are used to pick up muscular electrical activity in the paralyzed limb and make it audible or visible to the patient. The patient works with the signals until he can actually begin to use the muscle.
In an initial study by Dr. Brudny and his colleagues, involving 36 patients with varying degrees of paralysis or other neuromuscular disorders, 34 achieved improvement ranging from meaningful functional gains to full recovery. One patient was a young electrician who had been left seemingly para1yzd from the neck down. With several weeks of painstaking training, .the young man slowly regained use of his arms and hands to the point where he could shave, feed himself, even do leacherwork.
“I wore a leg brace for iwo and a half years,” says a former stroke patient of Dr. Herbert E Johnson, former medical director and a psychiatrist at Casa Colina Hospital for Rehabilitative Medicine in Pomona, Calif. “But I had read about biofeedback training at Casa Colina, and asked to be taught it. I had to practice every day, one hour in the morning and one at night. I would practice starting and stopping the noise from the machine 100 times every ten minutes—about 600 times an hour. In three or four weeks, I had been able to strengthen my ankle and get rid of the brace”
About 1000 medical researchers are now working with biofeedback at some of the nation’s leading medical centers, and many more ire involved in clinical research outside the hospital.
If you think biofeedback may be the answer for your problem, ask your doctor if it can help you. He may be able to refer you to acceptable programs in your area. But avoid any so. called “expert” who uses the devices indiscriminately and shuns proper medical supervision. The Federal Drug Administration cautions that biofeedback devices used for diagnosis or treatment of disease conditions be used only by or after consulting a physician or other licensed practitioner.
Bear in mind that biofeedback is still in its early stages, not a magic cure-all or a substitute for other treatment. It is simply an adjunct which, as one research psychologist points out in connection with asthma, may help the patient feel he is back in the driver’s seat.

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